Someone just told me I only use 10% of my brain
what he doesn’t know is I rent the other 90% out as an ant farm.
I just decided what I want to be when I grow up
a kid
but kids today don’t have pen pals
like microwaves make food faster but not healthier
we have turned correspondence into instant popcorn
I teach my students: Nothing worth learning can be taught in a classroom
then in brackets I write: (You didn’t learn that here.)
Sobriety is relative
most of my relatives are drunk. Me? I’m relatively sober.
The last time I threw a paper airplane made from a laptop out the window I nearly killed a guy.
If a tree falls in the forest and no one hears it, does it make a sound?
If that tree falls again
it’s just looking for attention.
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Trees, eh! One came up to me in the street the other day.
I thought I collided with a tree until I realized trees don’t move. At least, that’s the tree’s story.