I Accept John As My Enemy

Don’t you hate it when you post something personal on Facebook

something like:

I don’t have cancer!

and you have 800 friends

and you get just 2 likes

that means 798 people would like me to have cancer

these are my Facebook friends

there’s the flaw with Facebook

they don’t let you Enemy anyone

it’s just Friend-Unfriend

there should be an Enemies button

we are now Enemies

do you accept to be Enemies with Peter Fulton

Yes! We are now Enemies! I Enemy you!

Peter and John are now Enemies.

And for that one guy you really hate

that Warren Sawkue’s of your life

you can Mortal Enemy them.

And on Mortal Enemy info

you don’t post likes and favorites

you post your hates, fears, insecurities

that only your Mortal Enemy has access to

and when you click to be Mortal Enemies the screen turns to fire

and a voice:


No! I never enemies you back!


He with the most Mortal Enemies would be the most influential man in the world.

She with the most Mortal Enemies would be the most influential woman in the world.

If they teamed up they could take over the world.

Keep your friends close

and your enemies on Facebook.


14 thoughts on “I Accept John As My Enemy

      1. cottonbombs Post author

        As your official enemy, it is my responsibility to tell you that rrrrrrrrrr! is a poor attack and the advantage is all mine and to that I say: grrrrrrrr! See? Hate, like love, is primordial. And alphabetical.

  1. kvennarad

    I have never figured out how someone can survive with several hundred ‘friends’ on Facebook. Now if you could arranged for your friends and your enemies to slug it out in a pitched battle, the result would be a manageable number of new status postings every day.

    Here’s another strange thing – a kind of law of diminishing returns. My blog has about 575 followers. When I post something I get between 50 and 100 visits, about 20 likes, and about six comments.

    Small wonder I never buy any new clothes.


    1. cottonbombs Post author

      “He that has many friends has no friends.” There’s something to be said for this. However, I’m too busy trying to keep up with my 800 friends on Facebook that I don’t have time to figure out what this means.


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