The Next Bible Will Be Written On Twitter

Sometimes I think of life as an Agatha Christie novel

and you’ve got to die to find out who did it.

Like, what a surprise it’ll be to discover it was God all along.

God is the butler.

God is just so slow at giving out press releases.

(A press release from God: I’m touching you now.)

First the Torah

then the New Testament



with huge gaps in the middle.

It would be like asking your boss a question

and getting the go ahead after you’re dead.

I’m telling you, if God just got on Twitter

hell, the Pope’s on Twitter, what’s God afraid of?

Some guy wrote “All the world’s a stage, And all the men and women merely players”

and my part turns out to be the punchline for a much bigger joke I still don’t get yet.

Hey, God

it’s me, Peter

would you answer me if I asked you a hypothetical question?


I’ll wait.


4 thoughts on “The Next Bible Will Be Written On Twitter

    1. cottonbombs Post author

      Thank you! I think ‘No’ would be a funnier answer. Show a real sense of humor in God. I don’t doubt that God does have a sense of humor. I mean, He made the platypus and me, for God’s sake!


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