I’ve lost control
of my fastball
of my curveball
of my forkball
I’ve lost them all.
Nineteen years ago
I had the meanest sinker in the city
mean enough to make the city team
that pitch and I had a lot of good times together
she last left my hand
when I was eighteen
that was nineteen years ago
now wearing number 3 playing at the age of thirty-seven
I find I have lost control
of pitches I used to toss like magic
fastball, curveball, forkball
all coming at you
with the ferocity
and years of practice
taught me how to turn
a ball into a strike
but now all I can throw is ball four
where has my command gone?
Two months ago I blamed the lack of practice
today it’s hard to blame a lack of practice
when I’ve had two months of practice
doing something I used to do like breathing
this inability to hit the strike zone is beyond mere practice
I need a psychiatrist not a pitching coach
why am I afraid to attack the batter?
what am I afraid of?
am I having too much fun playing that I forgot how to play?
cause, if there’s one thing nineteen years without playing has given me
is the feeling of what it’s like not to play
and it feels dull
and if this has done anything for my game
it has sharpened my smile
even at tossing ball four
cause I now know
bad baseball is better