The world is less than a month from flying too close to the sun and burning up. The world is busy hustling to prepare rockets filled with selected members of the human population, along with cargo ships stocked with food, water, machinery and art.
Each nation has its own committees to make lists of people and items to take. We listen in now on the negotiation between the two members of the Canadian National Art Preservation Committee.
John: We’re not saving any Canadian paintings, there’s no Canadian sculptures, now no Canadian poetry. We’re representing Canadian Preservation Society, yet we haven’t preserved one Canadian thing. I just see this as wrong.
Lucy: We’re saving the best of what the rest of the world is leaving behind, what’s more Canadian than that? So, we take William Blake over Peter Fulton.
John: Really, doesn’t matter. It’s not for us to decide who and what gets saved. This is the Apocalypse, this is The Book of Revelations.
Lucy: Is that what you think this is, Revelations?
John: People think they’re flying away from The Rapture, but, I guarantee you, Jesus will be on those rocket ships.
Lucy: All at the same time?
John: Ever hear of holographs?
Lucy: How did you get the other vote on this committee? It must be a real comforter to you to see the destruction of the world as just a natural progression. I am jealous of a person who can go through life and not let such things affect him like they affect me.
John: Yeah, I’m lucky. I’ve got a friend in Jesus, who do you have a friend in?
Lucy: Can we just get back to discussing Huckleberry Finn over-
John: Aren’t the Americans taking Huckleberry Finn?
Lucy: It got too political and they decided to leave it for the sake of racial harmony in space.
John: I think the Canadian Preservation Committee should try and preserve at least one piece of Canadian art. I don’t think I should have to argue this point.
Lucy: What is Canadian is adaptability. If the Tao had a flag, it would have a maple leaf on it. Green, red, brown, golden, it’s still the maple leaf, off the tree or on it. There is no Canadian language, because there is no Canadian culture. Canadian culture has always been taking the best of what’s around and putting a maple leaf on it. Look at the MacDonalds sign. We’re the only country to put our symbol on the golden arches.
John: Your example of taking the best is MacDonalds?
Lucy: It’s an easy example of Canadian culture, just by touching it, we make it ours. So, as one half of the preservers on this committee, I’m seeing to it that Canadian culture is preserved by preserving the best of what would otherwise be lost. I respect both books very much, but choosing Duddy Kravitz over Huckleberry Finn just because it’s Canadian is ludicrous.
John: I do prefer Huck Finn.
Lucy: So, let’s take it.
John: Ok, if I get to pick the Canadian film we’re taking.
Lucy: Wait, we’re saving space for Canadian film?
John: Of course. And-
Lucy: I didn’t know we were taking a Canadian film. I didn’t-
John: There’s the list.
Lucy: I don’t recognize any of these names. Are these Canadian movies? I hate to say it, but the only one I’ve seen on this list, I really didn’t like.
John: Which one?
Lucy: Men With Brooms. Terrible.
John: Well, if you haven’t seen any of these movies, then I think it should be left to me to pick and I say we take The Sweet Hereafter.
Lucy: Wait, that one sounds familiar. What was that one, again?
John: It’s by Atom Egoyan. It’s an amazing movie about a town getting over the death of all its children on a school bus that goes through the ice.
Lucy: What’s it like, Titanic on a school bus?
John: It’s a beautiful film.
Lucy: Choose something else.
John: This is ridiculous. You haven’t even seen it, and you want to cut it.
Lucy: There’s got to be a better choice then a bunch of dead children on a school bus. Let’s have some sensitivity why we’re choosing these movies in the first place. Enough death.
John: That’s one of the reasons it’s such a great choice. It’s a movie about hope and recovery. Something we’ll need out there.
Lucy: I think we could use a good laugh more than cry. Crying will be easy, comedy will be hard to get once the world burns up. Let’s take Some Like It Hot.
John: It’s American!
Lucy: It’s a great movie!
John: We are the Canadian Preservation Society! For the love of God, could we take one thing Canadian?
Lucy: Jack Lemmon’s mother was Canadian.
Lucy: Sure, so, there’s your Canadian content, Jack Lemmon’s mom.
John: I need more than that. How bout a Jim Carrey movie? How about Dumb and Dumber?
Lucy: We are not saving Dumb and Dumber at the expense of Some Like It Hot!
John: Jim Carrey’s Canadian. Jack Lemmon’s only half Canadian, so full Canadian trumps half.
Lucy: But the movie’s still American!
John: With a full Canadian star. I can live with that.
Lucy: You don’t pick art based on nationality!
John: You do when you’re the Canadian-
Lucy: I know who we are!
They eventually settled on Seven Samurai by Akira Kurosawa.