There’s A Drug For That

She couldn’t stop thinking about him. She had taken everything she had in her medicine cabinet, everything from Denial, to Nullify, to Milk of Amnesia, she had even Brain-Washed, but, still his face lingered.

“I don’t know what it was about him, I can’t stop thinking about him,” she told her friend over an afternoon enema. “He was really special.”

“He was Terminal,” her friend emphasized, “of course he was special, you’ve never been with a Terminal before, so you’re curious.”

“Have you ever been with a Terminal?”

“Once, I didn’t really like it, though.”

“Really? What was the matter with him?”

“Nothing really the matter, just, it was different, that’s all. I don’t know how to say it. Sorry, I’ve been all out of Creativity all week, I keep forgetting to pick some up at the store. I don’t suppose you have any on you, do you?”

Creativity was the one mainline medicine that Helen never took, for she, oddly enough, found she didn’t need it. This was a secret she had told no one, swallowing tic tacs as though they were Creativity in front of friends, and family. “No, sorry, funny, I’m all out too.”

“You too? That’s Ok, I really don’t miss it, you know? I know that sounds strange to say, but I really don’t miss Creativity. I am a devout drug addict, but, Creativity doesn’t really get me going which is why I’m usually so slow to pick some up any time I run out. But, of course, don’t think I go too long without it, because they say we need some every once and awhile to stay healthy, but, I don’t take it all that much, do you?”

“No, I don’t.”

“Yeah, you’re like me,” her friend, Susan, laughed. “Aren’t we awful? If people were watching our conversation right now, they would probably think we were totally insane!” Her friend laughed alone. Susan had taken Sensitivity this morning in a double dosage, so she sensed her friend’s silence strongly. “What’s wrong? I was only joking, we’re not really insane, I was just joking.”

“No, I know I’m not insane, but, still, I can’t help thinking about him all the time.”

“Take some Denial, you’ll feel better.”

“I tried that, it didn’t work.”

“How bout Calvin Klein’s Good Riddance for women?”

“No, I didn’t try that, do you have some?”

“Me? No, thank goodness, I don’t need it. But it sounds like you do, so why don’t you go to the drug store and pick some up?”

“I guess I should, I really don’t feel like feeling like this.”

“No, I understand, completely. I one time got hooked on some guy, you remember Jerry?”

“Sure, you two were together forever.”

“I think it was more than a month, I can’t really remember, because I sprayed on so much Good Riddance I was practically drowning in the stuff and so I don’t remember much about Jerry, thank goodness.”

“It really works?”

“What did you use for Marv?”

“I got through that with a plain old Memory Killer.”

“That’s it? Memory Killer’s all you took?”

“It wasn’t hard, except when I’d look at the bite marks on my arms and legs, then I’d miss him and take more Memory Killer, but it eventually worked, because the bruises healed and I didn’t miss him any more.”

“Time really is the best drug for that, but who’s got time for it to kick in? So, zap yourself to a drug store and pick up some Good Riddance and you’ll be good as new.”

“I think I will.”

“Good girl.”

“Ok, we’re all finished up here,” said the technician, removing the hose from out of Helen’s rectum.

“Great, thank you. Susan, if you don’t mind, I’m going to go ahead, get to the doctor and pick some up right away, I can’t think or do anything else until I do, I’m sorry to just run off on you.” Helen said, dressing.

“That’s alright, call me later, tell me how you’re feeling.”

“Hopefully I won’t remember feeling anything.”

“That’s a good girl.”

“Call you later.” And Helen left her friend to finish up her enema.


4 thoughts on “There’s A Drug For That

  1. granbee

    Why am I laughing so much at this nonsense-that-tells-the-truth-about-young-women-and-their-BS-to-each-other-over-ex-boyfriends? I absolutely did NOT see the enema coming! I should have, but I didn’t! Completely awesomely briliiant, Peter! This is why I always preferred guy-friends in college and not more than one or two gal-friends! To this day, I avoid “hen gaggles”, which are a total epidemic here in small town DeepSouth! I would need the entire drugstore to cope with that.

    1. cottonbombs Post author

      Rose! I am tickled this made you laugh. I’m not disparaging women here, cause I’ve got 7 sisters who would kick my ass if I did. I’m just playing with my vision of the future and how drugs will be used to coat over every emotional harm. Still, that ‘hen gaggle’ epidemic has found its way north.

    1. cottonbombs Post author

      I can only be flattered to be compared to Margaret Atwood. Are you thinking Handmaid’s Tail? Still, with respect to the great Margaret Atwood, I am funnier.


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