If You Were an Artist, You’d Be a Con

If you were history, you’d be too soon.

If we were chemistry, we’d be toxic fume.

If you were a sunset, you’d be nuclear.

If you were a Bohemian, you’d be tubercular.

If you were a ballpark, you’d be God’s best guess.

If you were a Disney ride, you’d be ridden by less.

If you were an answer, you’d be a no.

If you were farm equipment, you’d be a dirty hoe.

If you were a promise, you’d be an I.O.U.

If our relationship was a horse, it’d be glue.

If you were geography you’d be Death Valley.

If you were a sin you’d be better for me.

If you let me get to first base it’s because you hit me with the pitch.

If you were an ice cream flavor, you’d be a much less cold bitch.


5 thoughts on “If You Were an Artist, You’d Be a Con

  1. granbee

    Peter, I am definitely WOMAN–but I laughed myself silly over your post here today! You want to know the REAL reason? Because every guy I never let past first base reacted just like this. Poor babies!! All bitching teasing aside, I applaud all the time your great gift for not taking STUFF too seriously, especially not your own reactions to all the ephemeral STUFF of this world. We really ARE going to have to dance together sometimes–but wear VERY old shoes, okay?

    1. cottonbombs Post author

      Thank you, Louise! I’m not sure if this is so original, though. Have you never played, “If you were a …. what would you be?” Like, If I was an ice cream flavor I’d be Rockey Road. Cause I’m sweet, with a few hard chews and I’m nuts. You?


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