Instinct of Water

The instinct of water

flowing from high concentration to

low

knowing always which way to go

low always

low.

There’s no

self doubt

in a spilled glass of water

(though, the owner of the elbow who knocked it over may be going through something)

water follows its own instinct

till it finds the ocean

lit on fire by a blood red moon

as the waves turn moody

and sand turns to glass

as tide slides back to sea.

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6 thoughts on “Instinct of Water

  1. planaquarium

    Love the last two lines particularly! So lyrical, but I wonder if you need the line in parentheses (the owner of the elbow….). It took me out of the moment somewhat, but I understand sometimes a jarring effect is intentional. Well done, I enjoyed this.

    Reply
    1. cottonbombs Post author

      Thank you very much for the feedback! You might be right about the elbow, but, I was trying to connect our nature and the accidents that make us human. If I have to explain it means I might have missed, so, I really appreciate your comment, especially because I really appreciate your work, planaquarium.

      Reply
  2. Louise Jaques

    Agreed with planaquariam, the ending is the strongest in what is a strong, evocative piece as a whole. Although, the parenthesis was my favourite part, it sort of knocked me out of my own expectations, and I’m a fan of that voice that directly speaks.

    Reply
  3. jessicamarie19

    My favorite part was the contrast about self-doubt between the water and the spiller!. Perhaps you could consider shortening the line, if you wanted to increase it’s punchiness (as poets, I feel we reserve the rights to make up words as necessary!) Something like “There’s no/self-doubt/in a spilled glass of water/(having all flowed upward through the elbow to spiller)… Meh. That’s not great – but shortening it in some way would be my suggestion. The content is awesome – I think it’s just the out-of-place line-length that may take the reader “out of the moment” as P.Q. described.

    Reply
    1. cottonbombs Post author

      Thank you for your rewrite! I am flattered that you think enough of it to rewrite it. (This is when voice over beats the written word, cause I fear this comes off sarcastic).

      Reply

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