It Ain’t Easy Being White

I am in the only field where being a white male is a disadvantage: comedian. For any other job it doesn’t hurt to be white: President, Pope, serial killer, it’s all advantageous to be white, but not comedian. If you’re Latino or Latina, you’ve got your Spanish shit, and if you’re black, you can say nigger and not get booed. See? Exactly. But, if you have to be a white male, it’s best to be Jewish. Me? I’m not Jewish, I’m not black, I’m not Latino, I’m not even Chinese! I’m a… get ready for it, cause it’s a mouthful: I’m a White Anglo Saxon Protestant. Like, my ethnicity is so nondescript it takes four words to describe what any other ethnicity can do in one. Navajo. Done. Gotcha. Quebecois. Sure. Good for you. Tres bien. What are you? Brazilian? Does it bother you your nationality is synonymous with a bikini wax? And what are you? Liechtensteiner? Did you just make that up? And you’re Bhutanese? You win, you are the most exotic.

And you hear black comics go: “You white people can’t dance worth shit.” And we laugh, thinking it’s true, forgetting about Ginger Rogers and Fred Astaire.

But it doesn’t work when a white comic goes: “You black people can dance like the shit.” Now it’s awkward.

It’s hard work being a white comic, cause, comedy comes from the court jester kicking the king in the ass. The root of comedy is taking it to authority. I’m white. I am authority. What’s the worst thing a white guy can complain about? Hey, Bob, don’tcha just hate it when you’re standing on the glass ceiling looking down seeing the sad faces of all the women and minorities looking up, and you think, they should really put down some carpeting, especially if we have our next toga party, we don’t want those women and minorities looking up our togas, do we? Oh, we do? Oh. Ok.

Blogging is colorless. Well, it’s black and white words on a page, but the color of a blogger’s skin is meaningless. Right now I’m white, but, if you go through these poems and stories, you’ll see I’m Japanese, Korean, Chinese, Thai, Indian, Singaporean, Christian, Muslim, Jewish, Hindu, Buddhist, Atheist, Agnostic, all are harder for me to pull off in person. Even with my budding Korean, it is hard to convince you I am Korean when you meet me in person. But on paper:

한국어로 우리 자신을 발견해요

I’m as Korean as the next guy.

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