The Book of Genesis: The Soap Opera! (Episode 12)

Announcer:  When we last left off  (Aug 2)  Adam had gone up to God’s cottage to ask for a wet nurse for Eve. God had slammed the door in Adam’s face, as Adam challenged Him that he’d only worship Him if there was a wet nurse waiting for him back at home. Meanwhile, back at home in Adam and Eve’s open air mansion, Eve is nursing Abel, while Mr. Satan is nursing Cain.

Eve:  I can’t get over how you are able to breast feed like that. Adam said men aren’t able to breast feed.

Mr. Satan:  First of all, I am not a man, I am the Anti-Christ, and second of all, if a man really wanted to lactate, he could. Men might say they are jealous of women’s ability to give birth, but, they’re just saying that. Truth be known, no man really wants to go through all that, and you can blame your father-in-law for it all.

Eve:  Trust me, I do.

Mr. Satan:  This baby’s got a greedy gut. I mean he’s really sucking hard. My nipple feels like it’s about to pop off in his mouth.

Eve:  Just tickle under his chin and he’ll let go.

Mr. Satan:  It’s ok, I enjoy pain.

[Adam enters still wearing the skins God had made for him. He held the other set in his hands.]

Adam:  Hi. Did any wet nurse show up?

Eve:  No, except Lucy.

Mr. Satan[Still feeding baby Cain]  Hey.

Adam:  Hey. What are you doing? You’re feeding?

Mr. Satan:  It’s pretty simple. You just sit here and let the kid suck on your tit.

Adam:  But how are you able to produce milk?

Mr: Satan:  That’s pretty simple, too. I could show you right now, if you want.

Adam:  Not right now, I want to see my wife. Look! I brought you these clothes, they’re a gift from Dad.

Eve:  I wanted a wet nurse.

Adam:  You got one. Look, Lucy’s wet nursing right now.

Eve:  I don’t think your Father sent us Lucy.

Adam:  My Dad works in mysterious ways.

Eve:  Well, what are we going to do when Lucy leaves?

Adam:  We’ll figure it out. Here, try on your new outfit.

Eve:  You look like a gorilla in that thing. Your Father who art at the cottage made that for you?

Adam:  Yeah. Don’t you like it?

Eve:  I think he made that for you as a joke, or as a revenge. What do you think, Lucy?

Mr. Satan:  I’m the incarnation of evil, and even I wouldn’t be so cruel as to ever put you in a horror show like that outfit.

Adam:  I thought I looked good.

Mr. Satan:  If by good you mean good and ridiculous, then, yeah, you look good.

Eve:  Please, Adam, go and change, you’re frightening the children.

Adam:  What happened to your lip?

Eve:  I bit into a hamburger and missed.

Adam:  You seem to be doing that a lot lately.

Eve:  It’s because I’m so tired with raising two babies with no breaks. You try it.

Adam:  Baby, you know I can’t make milk.

Mr. Satan:  Here, let me show you.

Adam:  Shut up, Lucy.

Mr. Satan:  Did you just tell me to shut up?

Adam:  It slipped out, I’m sorry.

Mr. Satan:  Don’t be. I invented insubordination. Just for that I’m giving you a bonus. You want a wet nurse? I’ll be your wet nurse. I’ll stay here full time. I’ll take care of the babies, I’ll bake. You gotta try my devil’s food cake. It’s wickedly decadent. It tastes so good it’s a sin. Like, it tastes so good, you’re going to hell on a single bite, but you don’t care.

Adam:  I don’t think so.

Eve:  Deal.

Mr. Satan:  Which is it?

Announcer:  Yes, which is it? Tune in next time for another installment of The Book of Genesis: The Soap Opera!


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