* I just had deja vu, but in reverse: I had deja vu that I’m going to have deja vu.
* I’m in a complicated relationship. If I was a home, I’d be a semi-detached.
* I use a disposable camera for all my disposable memories.
* Watching Stephen Harper smile is the face a fish makes when riding a bicycle.
* When do you know you’ve been to a city? And what does it say about those who count airports?
* Loving Toronto is like loving your girlfriend’s bad haircut. She’s pretty, but, she could be so much prettier if she hadn’t let her drunk friend cut her hair.
* I was an insensitive kid. For show-and-tell one day in kindergarten I told: My grandma died yesterday, but, that’s ok, I got another one.
* Last night I drank myself dehydrated. Oh, Irony, why must you make the things I like best the worst things for me?
* I just saw a commercial for a commercial.
* How many abortionists does it take to unscrew a pregnant lady?