The Book of Genesis: The Soap Opera! (Episode 9)

Announcer:  When we last left off, (June 26) Eve had just signed her children over to Mr. Satan, in the midst of giving birth to them.

Mr. Satan:  Push, Eve, push harder.

Adam:  No, pull, Eve! Pull! Wait! Don’t let him touch them first!

Eve:  This is your fault! You’re the one who ratted me out to your father!

Mr. Satan:  Eve. We need you to focus. Push.

Adam:  Pull! Eve, pull!

Eve:  I’m not pulling! Are you crazy! I need these out of me!

Mr. Satan[Delivering the baby]  It’s a boy!

Adam:  [Pointing at the umbilical cord.]  Looks like you’re stuck with him forever, hon.

Mr. Satan [Cutting cord, offering the baby to Adam]  Remember, finders keepers and I touched him first.

Adam:  Well, then, you keep him, cause, I’m touching the next one first.

Mr. Satan:  Take the baby back, I’m getting the next one, too. Come on, take him. I’ll drop him.

Adam:  Ok, one big push now, hon.

Eve:  I’m going to push you off a cliff, I swear to your father!

[Adam helps Eve deliver their second son, while Mr. Satan stands holding their first.]

Adam:  What do you want to name our sons, love?

Eve:  Look, just shut up for a while, I just delivered twins, I wish I was able.

Adam:  Abel! Yes, our son here shall be Abel!

Mr. Satan:  [Rocking the baby in his arms.]  I’m calling this baby, Satan Junior.

Adam:  Like hell!

Mr. Satan:  Exactly like it. Dead on. Just like hell.

Adam:  Honey, get up, I need your help naming the kid. You don’t want your kid growing up called, Satan Junior, do you?

Eve:  I can’t stand without a cane.

Adam:  You wanna call him, Cain?

Eve:  I don’t care, I need pills, ask Lucy Loo for some more pills.

Adam:  I kinda got in to a fight with him over baby Abel.

Eve:  Just get the damn pills!

Mr. Satan:  I heard, and I’ll give you the pills on condition you let me play with your children.

Eve:  Play, dance, write poetry, yoga with them all you like, just give me pills!

Mr. Satan:  Here.  [Mr. Satan feeds Eve a pill.]

Adam:  How about me? Can I get some pills, please?

Mr. Satan:  Kiss me.

Adam:  Excuse me?

Mr. Satan:  You want some pills, kiss me. One pill one kiss. French kissing gets you two pills at a time.

Adam:  Maybe there’s another form of payment, debit, or…?

Mr. Satan:  Nope, today, I accept kisses only.

Adam:  [Looks to Eve, passed out.]  Ok, but don’t tell Eve.

Mr. Satan:  It’ll be our little secret. Come here, big boy.

Adam:  How many pills I get if I french kiss you five seconds?

Mr. Satan: Five.

Adam:  Ok, let’s do this.  [They kiss. Adam pulls away, touching his lower lip.]  Ouch! What the hell! You bit me!

Eve[Opening her eyes at the sound of Adam’s cry.]  What happened?

Adam:  Nothing.

Eve:  Your lip is bleeding.

Adam:  No it’s not, it’s ketchup.

Mr. Satan:  I’m going to make some cocktails.

Eve:  You kissed Lucy.

Adam:  How could you know? You were passed out.

Eve:  It’s written all over your face.

Adam:  It’s written all over yours.

Eve:  You say that’s ketchup?

Adam:  Yeah, it’s ketchup.

Eve:  I believe you.

Adam:  I believe you believe me.

Mr. Satan [Handing them highball glasses]  Cheers to believing in each other.

Adam:  [Looking away from Eve]  Cheers.

Eve:  [Looking away from Adam]  Cheers.

Announcer:  Do they continue to choose to believe in something they know is a lie, or do they choose to speak the truth? Tune in for another episode of The Book of Genesis: The Soap Opera!

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