Tickle Me Retarded

Pam:  Hello, boys and girls! and welcome to Tickletown! Today on the show we’re going to go on all sorts of adventures, and learn how to count to three, and maybe get a visit from a surprise guest or two! Oh! Here’s one now! Hello there, Mr. Platypus! How are you today?

Mr. Platypus:  Hello, Pam! Not so good, that’s why I came to Tickletown. I need you to tickle me until you make all the monsters in my head go away.

Pam:  Well, lie down on Sofie Sofa and let’s diagnose you.

Sofie Sofa:  Sit down, big boy and tell us all your wildest fantasies!

Mr. Platypus:  If you don’t mind, Pam, I’ve already got enough to deal with, it’s hard enough to tell you without having to sit on a talking couch.

Pam:  Fine, we can diagnose you standing up. Tell us, what do you feel is your biggest problem?

Mr. Platypus:  I have monsters in my head.

Pam:  What monsters? What do they look like?

Mr. Platypus:  Like monsters, what you don’t know what monsters look like? You can’t tell a monster from a squirrel?

Pam:  Can you tell us a little bit about the monsters?

Mr. Platypus:  They look freakish, like monsters. They have the face of a duck. the body of a beaver, and the feet of a duck. Terrifying.

Pam:  You’re describing yourself, Mr. Platypus.

Mr. Platypus:  But, I’m a platypus! I said they have the face of a duck.

Pam:  You have a face of a duck.

Mr. Platypus:  You think I have a duck face?

Pam:  Have you looked in a mirror lately?

Mr. Platypus:  I just see me.

Pam:  But, are you seeing the real you, or, just the you you want to see?

Mr. Platypus:  Looks like the real me to me.

Pam [Holding up mirror]  Describe what you see.

Mr. Platypus:  One good looking platypus.  [Mr. Platypus smiles for the first time all day.]

Pam:  Describe your nose.

Mr. Platypus:  I don’t have a nose, I have a bill.

Pam:  Describe your feet.

Mr. Platypus:  I don’t have feet, I have webbing.

Pam:  Webbing, a bill, you’re describing a duck.

Mr. Platypus:  Are you saying, if it walks like a duck, and talks like a duck, I’m a platypus?

Pam:  Yes! And you’re your own worst nightmare!

Mr. Platypus:  I am? I’m cured! Thanks, Pam!  [Exit Mr. Platypus.]

Pam:  Yes, and let that be a lesson to all you boys and girls out there: you are your own monster! Oh! And speaking of monsters, if it isn’t Mr. The End!


One thought on “Tickle Me Retarded

  1. Dieflov

    Reminds me a little of Lady Gaga, I mean if one takes advantage of one’s own “monstrosities”, one can do very well.


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