Channel Surfing On Channel 1006

The second talk show host, on a lot of Tan and almost as brown as the first, waits for his partner to take a breath, before pouncing on the silence, “You don’t have to tell me, I can’t stand the sons of bitches. But can you believe, my son, my real son, was telling me he was thinking of going terminal when he turns eighteen, can you believe that?” The second talk show host takes Command of the Conversation, much to the frustration of the first, who is bound by good Television etiquette to inquire,

“Tony? He wants to go terminal?”

“Tony? Who’s Tony?”

“Your son, Tony. The one I met at the Real Father and Real Son episode at work last year.”

“Oh, was that his name? I’d forgotten about him… Tony… no, no, Tony’s not with me anymore, I unloaded Tony along with another kid from another marriage, for some daughter to be named later, no, no, I’m talking about another real son, I think from the same marriage that produced Tony, I guess that would be his brother, Anthony, who told me that he was thinking about going terminal over the dinner table last week, I started choking on my pill. I almost murdered him. First time I’ve ever wanted to go on a Rampage.”

“How old is he?”

“Sixteen, too old to be talking like that.”

“Oh, come on, don’t take It-So-Hard, we all went through that terminal phase to scare our real parents, it’s just a phase kids go through.”

“No, sixteen’s cutting it a little too close, soon he’ll be seventeen, then next thing he knows he’s eighteen and he’s standing in the Citizens Building and he’s got to make The Choice and he ends up talking himself into it.”

“Is anyone in your family terminal?”

“Yeah, that’s what scares me the most, we’ve got two uncles, two of my Dad’s real brothers went terminal.”

“Are they still terminal?”

“They could be dead, I’ve lost contact with them.”

“If they’re watching, they should call in and could come on as guests. How old would they be, if they’re still alive?”

“I guess my real uncles would be in their sixties.”

“And still terminal… that’s really cutting it close. Better call soon.”

“Yeah, tell me about it and they say you get it from the paternal side, so I have reason to take Worry.”

“You heard paternal? I heard maternal,” the first talk show host says, though his thought-roll reveals that he has also heard paternal, he’s just adding contrast to the scene. The second talk show host, watching this very episode on the monitor, catches his partner’s thought-roll, chooses to ignore it, keeping the scene rolling,

“My current wife told me later that episode Anthony dropped the bomb-shell, that she had had thoughts like that, too, around that age and had come very close to going terminal.”

“Sheila said that?”

“Oh no, didn’t I tell you? Sheila and I never renewed, when was that… last month, I guess. I think she’s the one who took Tony. No, I’m married to Angela now.”

“I’m sure it was a good time for a change, right? But, you and Sheila really had a good run there, though. How many contracts was it?”

“Two, that would have been our third, so…”

“Wow, that’s some strong Love you’re on, who makes it?”

“I have a really good dealer, I should give you the coordinates.”

“Thanks, I could use a good hit of Love, I’m very off Love right now for my current partner-in-law and it’s Spring, so you know that’s no good. And we’ve got another year left on the ol’ marriage contract, so…”

“Yeah, it sounds like you need to get on some better Love, you don’t want to be off Love in Spring. The stuff I’m on now, when I’m with Angela, it’s like I really love her, you know? It really feels like the real thing and that’s why it really hit me hard when she told me she had thought of going terminal. Can you believe, I dropped some WhatIf and just started bawling my eyes out, cause you know, I started thinking what if she died, her being terminal and everything, I just cried my guts out.”

“What else were you on at the time?”

“Calvin Kline’s new Depression for Men, so, you can imagine I was pretty sad.”

“Yeah, I bet. That’s strong stuff.”

“I take it any time I need to be very sad.”

“Good choice. Sometimes I spray on some of that and mix in some Longing by Stetson and I stink really good.” The two talk show hosts laughed their heads off, before the first talk show host pulled it together enough to mug the camera and say, “We’ve gotta take a break; stick around we’ll be right back with a man who claims to be Facebook friends with God,” then the men faded to black.


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