Allow me to tell my tale here rather than in person. I’d freak you out if I told you in person. I’d freak you out if you saw me, cause you wouldn’t see me, cause I’m invisible. You’re thinking, sure you are, but, that’s fine with me, I don’t want you to believe in me. I don’t want to be seen, read, sure, but not seen. I want to be left alone. Do you know we are killing the stars just by looking at them? It’s true, I read it in the newspaper, so it must be true. We also kill people just by looking at them. The one time someone saw me, is the closest I’ve come to death.
I was born invisible. Luckily the doctor who delivered me was blind, so it meant no difference to him. It did to my mom and dad, though. I was there, but, I can only imagine the look on my mom’s face when Dr. Sagozi, handed her her invisible baby. I’m told I didn’t even cry, so, I can imagine how hard it must have been to accept the blanket that wrapped my invisible little body. My dad fainted at the sight of me, or lack there of.
I can see, smell, taste, all that, I just can’t be seen. I don’t have any other magical powers, outside of being invisible. You can imagine, it has it perks. High school was fun. You see more than you’re supposed to see when invisible.
Mostly, though, it’s a lonely existence. It was til I met her. Lara. God, she was beautiful. I first saw her walking down the sidewalk, I had to follow. I know that sounds crazy stalker-like, but, I just couldn’t get enough of her. So, I followed her into a park where she found a bench next to the pond. I sat on the bench next to her and watched her read.
Soon she put down the book, “Are you going to stare at me all day, weirdo? Do you mind?” It was the first time anyone had ever spoken right into my eyes.
“You can see me? I can’t even see me!” I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. “What do I look like?”
“Yeah, you’re a bit creepy, so, bye.” She was waiting for me to go so she could get back to her book she had bent on her knee.
“Hold on, hold on, this is incredible. You can see me? What am I doing now?”
“You’re waving at me. And you’re naked.”
I was. She could see me. “Please forgive, but, I can’t wear clothes.”
Lara seemed more bemused than bewildered or even bothered. We had an immediate connection. “And why can’t you wear clothes?”
“Cause then people would see the clothes, not see me and freak out, maybe start attacking me.”
“Why would people not see you?”
“Because I’m invisible.”
“I see you fine. Naked, but, fine.”
“It’s amazing,” I said, crossing my legs.
It was and we both felt it, a connection with a woman who could see me. I’d tried picking up women before, never works when you’re invisible. I go up to a woman, go, “hi, how are you?” She just hears a question come out of mid air, screams like she’s seen a ghost and runs from the room. I’d never kissed a woman til Lara. I’d never been naked in front of a woman til Lara. Sure, I never wear clothes so I can slip in and out undetected, cause, I am invisible, clothes are not. And I’m not the Claude Rains Invisible Man type; bandages aren’t my thing. I just walk around naked, but you don’t feel naked when no one can see you. Do you feel naked in the shower? No, you feel natural, clean. You only feel naked when seen before another. I learned to feel dirty in front of Lara, that’s why I lost her. Ok, I never had her, but, yes I did.
I lost her to drugs. I did them, she just watched. She didn’t like what she saw and she made herself disappear. I don’t blame her. She said I looked horrible and left. I wouldn’t know, I have to take her word for it. It’s easy to go on with this kind of lifestyle when you never have to look yourself in the mirror.
Now before you judge me, know what kind of drugs. I lost her to steroids. I know, it’s ridiculous that I’d work out and do steroids cause I can’t even see myself, but, I know, knew Lara could see me, so I wanted to look my very best. It backfired when I got hooked on roids; I just loved how they felt. I felt HUGE! What a feeling after so many years of feeling invisible! Finally I felt myself taking up space, and it felt great!
I quit steroids once she quit me. There was no point, nobody could see me, who cares how I look?