The Book of Genesis: The Soap Opera II

Announcer: When we last left off on March 5, Eve was tempting her husband, Adam to try the forbidden fruit that Mr. Satan had challenged her to try.

Eve: Go on, Adam. Stop being such an ignoramus.

Adam: I don’t know what that means.

Eve: Exactly. Take a bite and then you’ll know.

Adam: But, Father specifically forbade us from eating this.

Eve: So, then why did He put this tree in the middle of our living room? I mean, it’s like giving someone a couch and saying, here, don’t sit on it. It’s ridiculous.

Adam: Ok, give me the fruit.

[Eve hands Adam the fruit. Adam takes a bite.]

Eve: Well?

Adam: I think I’m a genius now. Oh my Father, I’m naked. You’re naked. We’re all naked. I’ve been conducting all my business in the nude.

[God enters the garden.]

God: Adam, we need to go over these pie charts. Hi, Eve.

Adam: Don’t look at my wife, Father! You made her naked!

God: Oh, Me. You ate the fruit.

Adam: You put covering around trees, but not us? What are you, some kind of peeping tom?

God: Who are you to question me? I made you!

Adam: Yeah, you made me naked!

God: You were made pure.

Adam: Yeah, purely naked! And her, too!

Eve: We want to renegotiate our contract.

God: What contract? There’s no contract! This is paradise!

Eve: Well, it’s time we made up a contract, cause, we feel we’re getting short-changed, at least I do, cause you didn’t give me one of those things he’s got dangling off him. Also, we want a five day work week. I mean, even you took a day off, but you expect us to be on call all the time.

Adam: Yeah, and what did you do with that day off, Father? You never said. Where’d you go? Who were you with?

God: I went golfing! Give me a break!

Eve: You went golfing while the entire universe was still settling? It still needed your oversight, but for you, the universe is an oversight, and you’d rather be out golfing! I’d say you neglected your duties and it proves you unfit to run this company.

God: What are you saying?

Adam: We’re saying that it’s time for a change of CEO.

God: You can’t fire me, I have full corporate share!

Adam: Well, if you won’t step down, then, we quit. We don’t need you to tell us what to do.

God: You don’t like it, then get the hell out of paradise! I built you this beautiful rent-controlled apartment, and the only thing I ask you to do is leave the fruit alone, and you eat it and now you think you know more than I?

Adam: I know that you need us more than we need you. Without us, you don’t exist.

God: What are you talking about? Without me, you don’t exist.

Adam: Call it a stalemate.

God: It’s no stalemate, I’m God, and you’re the dust I made!

Adam: Who makes dust? Exactly, you’ve got your priorities all out of whack, wasting company time on the production of dust. I think we have enough proof to go to the board and ask for your removal from CEO.

God: Oh yeah, who’s the board? I’m the board and I’m-

Eve: No, Father-in-Law, you are not the board, since we’ve been talking, there’s been a coup, and Mr. Satan has bought up all your shares and is currently sitting in the boardroom swiveling in the Chairman’s chair. You’re finished, old man.

God: Son…

Announcer: Will Adam sell his Father out for corporate greed? Find out in the next installment of The Book of Genesis: The Soap Opera!


2 thoughts on “The Book of Genesis: The Soap Opera II

  1. Susie

    I’m gonna go out on a limb here but I’m going to guess you’re Roman Catholic….. I feel as though years of Catholic schooling makes for good ammo to make fun of the faith.

    Think maybe shooting stars are the result of those golf games?

    1. cottonbombs Post author

      I’ve never been Roman Catholic, but I’ve been called worse. And if shooting stars are God’s golf balls, then, black holes must be his sand traps.


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