Check Here For Sex, Check There For Love

I don’t know how these dating services know I’m single, but, their letters often find their way in to my mailbox. I always open them and fill them in. I never mail them, I just enjoy filling out questionnaires.

Next to marital status there are the options: Divorced/ Separated/ Never married/ Widowed/ Other. And I’m thinking, what could ‘Other’ possibly be? I mean, divorced, separated, never married, married, widowed, pretty much covers it. What’s left, except:

Divorced/ Separated/ Never Married/ Married/ Widowed/ Out on bail for trying to unplug my wife’s life-support, cause my wife’s been legally brain dead for twelve years and illegally brain dead for three and a half years before that, so, I’m looking for someone who has room for a little baggage. Incidentally, my wife’s parents are suing me on her behalf, launching two lawsuits against me, one, for breaching the marriage contract, and, the other lawsuit, a restraining order, stating that I can’t get within 100 meters of her, or any national monument. Her doctor gives her 0% odds, which are not odds at all, they’re evens.

So, that’s my story, is there a box for that? No? Ok, just put me down for, ‘other’.


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