News is the New News

The news is the new news.

How often have I heard:  “Next on the news- a sneak preview of what’s coming up in the news! Find out what’s new in the news. Action News! The newest news now!”

I often watch shows I hate. I watch a lot of reality shows. I absolutely hate them, I can’t stop watching them. I probably hate TMZ most. It’s probably my favorite show. I was watching it last weekend and they had a report on some teen actor I didn’t know. And there was no story, just a report of her getting out of a salon and walking to an elevator. That’s it. The whole story was there must be a story because there were so many paparazzi following her. That’s it, paparazzi talking about paparazzi, that’s what we’ve become. If the media was an alcoholic, this would be like getting so drunk, you light your cat on fire then run around trying to pee on it. This is rock bottom.

And how they break the news into sections is ridiculous: Sports, Business, Entertainment, Living, Politics, Crime, so why am I reading about so many murders in the Entertainment section? What are you saying, murder is Entertainment? I’m sorry, when you go from music producer, to psycho killer, you stop getting press in the Entertainment section, and you should be put in Sports.

We’re too cool for ourselves. Flipping channels, I come across, “And next up, the latest news from Mars.”

Click.

Fifty years ago, that would have blown our minds. You ever seen Back To The Future? Remember how George McFly reacted to that music? And that was just a Van Halen guitar solo.

Here’s news! Do you know the Federal Conservative Party of Canada spent over $26 million on ads telling us how well their economic plan is working to save money for Canadians? It’s true! This message brought to you by the Federal Government of Canada and a whole shitload of your money.

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