Sometimes I wonder about the Ancient Romans. Who were these people? What were they thinking with their whole feeding of the Christians to the lions thing? Like, I’m sure it was way more entertaining than watching the lions getting fed to the Christians in a pizza, but, still, I don’t think this would make for good entertainment.
I bet the Christians knew they didn’t stand a snowman’s chance in hell of winning. The Christians never got a chance to practise. The lions were all professionals, had played together before, while the Christians were all amateurs, a team thrown together at the last minute.
I’m sure the Christians walked into the Coliseum thinking, ‘Well, this it it. Caesar’s Palace has got us at 1000 to 1 underdogs to the lions. We need a miracle. A Hail Mary pass, something.’
Then the Christians waddle out and the lions just eat them. Boring. Like, I haven’t gone so far as to Google this, but, I’m sure the lions versus the Christians was put in the intermission part of the program. Like, they were the J-Force breakdancing team that comes out between innings at Blue Jays games. The Christians would walk out and that’s when people would get up for a bathroom break, or to hit the vomitorium.
“Oh, here come the Christians, I’m getting some figs and I’m gonna take a vomit, you guys want anything?”
And there must’ve been a time when someone thought the Christians were finally due a win, and put down ten denarius on the Christians.
Plutarch: I say, ten denari on the Christians.
Sillius: I’ll take that bet!
And then, miracle, the lions all lie down with Daniel.
Plutarch: I win! Ha! You owe me ten thousand denari!
Sillius: That’s not a victory, that’s a draw!
Plutarch: There are no draws in Christian-Lion eating!
Sillius: Well, if it’s about eating, I don’t see any Christians eating any lions! They’re just laying there, together. It’s a draw.
Plutarch: You’re saying it’s a draw so you don’t have to pay up!
Sillius: You show me a rule book saying just laying there together is a win for the Christians, and I’ll pay you ten thousand denari!
Plutarch: It’s a win! The Christians kicked the lions ass!
Sillius: They’re just laying there! No ass is getting kicked. You’re blind cause all you see is ten thousand denari.
Plutarch: I don’t think I want to be your friend any more.
Yeah, I wonder how many friendships were lost the day Daniel lay with the lions.