The following questions make up my part hosting the game, Have-You-Ever? To play is quite simple, first, go get a drink of something. Go on, I’ll wait. Ok? Back? Ready? Ok, I will ask the following questions and you take a drink every time you’ve done the same. You can write back your list, if you like. That would be nice of you. You can only ask questions to things you have done yourself.
* Have you ever mimed the word, ‘condom’ in a Korean pharmacy?
* Have you ever gotten paid to moon a guy? (The worst part of the moon-a-gram, is not so much the mooning part, but, before, having to write, ‘Birthday’ in pastel on your boss’s ass.)
* Have you ever dated the ugly twin?
* Have you ever gotten pantsed in front of the entire school?
* Have you ever gotten broken up with via Twitter?
* Have you ever chased a monkey out of your room with a pillow?
* Have you ever had a drunk cop slam his gun on your restaurant table in India, and yell at you in a language you guessed was Hindi?
* Have you ever driven staring straight up at the Northern Lights wondering if they’re real or acid?
* Have you ever broken up with someone to avoid getting them a Christmas gift?
* Have you ever seen your sex partner as your sexual opponent?
* Ever wondered if the artificially inseminated get turned on by freezers?
* Ever wondered why where when showed who what how?
* Ever wished you could pay through the nose cause it’s cheaper to pay in boogers?
* Ever wondered what people who are trying to give up cold turkey go?
* Ever wondered if nudists wake up screaming from an nightmare, shrieking: “Ah! no one can see my penis!”?
* Ever sneezed so hard you changed lanes?
* Ever wished there was a Kama Sutra For Dummies?
* Ever noticed how lottery numbers are always wrong?
* Ever felt life’s a poem and your name is, Orange, and you don’t rhyme with anything?
* Ever been put on hold in the middle of phone sex?
* Ever been so poor, you can’t even afford an ego trip?
* Ever killed a cactus?
* Ever wondered how many hookers are named, ‘Chastity’?
* Ever made a teacher cry?
* Ever wondered if cannibals see shark attacks at a whole other level?
* Ever wondered is the beer half drunk, or, am I?