A Broken Watch Is Right Twice a Day

It’s hard for me to cheer for religion. Here’s how I see religion: there’s this guy dying of thirst in the desert and he prays to God to deliver him from this thirst. The dying man climbs one more sand dune to find his prayers have been answered, a deep well of fresh clean water awaits him at the bottom of the dune. After drinking from the well, the man feels a debt to God. Not knowing how to repay such debt, he leaves his one thing of value: a pretty rock.

The next day a second man finds himself praying to God in the exact same spot, also dying of thirst. Upon climbing the sand dune, he, too, finds salvation in the form of a fresh water well. This second man also feels a debt to God. He sees the pretty rock that the first man had left and thinks: ‘Oh! You’re to leave pretty stones.’ So, he leaves his diamond ring. And after a few years, no one can drink from the well, because it’s covered up by pretty rocks.

You can find whatever meaning in that you want. I got mine.

I went to an Anglican run high school. It was a great school, but it was hard to take the religion part seriously, especially after learning about Henry VIII in history class. I mean, here’s a guy who didn’t get what he wanted from the Pope, and so, he goes ahead and starts up his own religion, calls it the Church of England, then goes on to behead the very woman who inspired him. And just thirty minutes ago, we were in Chapel singing allegiance to this doctrine? Don’t the chaplian and the history teacher ever sit down and compare notes? What the hell?

And thirty minutes earlier you’re telling me, Jesus is the answer to everything, so, why can’t it be the answer to: Name two differences between acids and bases.

I write: Jesus is the answer.

Not for question four on my grade ten science exam, he’s not.

Your mixed messages are getting me F’s! How am I supposed to know when the right answer is: Jesus, and when it’s: 1. Acids are H+ donors and Bases are H+ acceptors. 2. Acids have a pH below 7 and bases have a pH above 7.

How does any of this get me closer to God, or, at least, a univeristy degree in drama?


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