I’m a Bag of Showers

I had to get arrested to get noticed. My hits for my Saturday post: ‘Arrested For Poetry’ were way up. Huh. Maybe I should get arrested more often. Crime may not pay, but, it sure gets you the hits.

What I’ve found most interesting is the vitriol my post has provoked. I’m getting called everything from a whiny douche bag to a self indulgent douche bag. Whatever insult you’re called these days, most people seem to have to work in the word, ‘douche bag’ with it. It’s a funny insult: douche bag. Shower bag. I’m a bag of showers. Some don’t even bother with the “bag” and just call me, “a douche”. That’s right, I’m a shower.

What I love is how the French must interpret this insult when they hear it for the first time: you douche! The irony for us English is that our stereotype of the French is a bunch of unwashed, well fed people. What do the French think of us?

“Oh, Mon Dieu! For the English a shower is something so terrible that they use it as an insult! You shower! They scream at each other in anger! Like, it’s the absolute worst thing to be a shower. And sometimes a bag of showers. The Anglo are crazy! And dirty!”

A lot of people think I should shut up and pay my fine. I respectively disagree. If I was charged for the proper offence, I would. My offence was being mouthy. Even the TTC guy who sicked the police on me (two of them. It took two 6′, 200 plus pound officers to take down this skinny poet), even the TTC guy today (I bumped into him outside on his break) admitted I got arrested for my attitude. Here’s the conversation from this afternoon:

Me: You have no respect for creativity, or poetry.

TTC Guy: If you want to hand out something, you go down to Davisville Station and fill out a form.

Me: You never gave me that option. And I spoke to the security guard. He said it was alright.

TTC Guy: We don’t have a security guard.

     [Really?  Then who was that man I spoke to in a uniform with TTC looking badges one marked: SECURITY?]

 TTC Guy: It was your attitude that got you arrested.

Me: Attitude is not a crime.

TTC Guy: Yours is.

And he slammed the door to the station and walked away.

So, by the man’s own words: I got arrested for my attitude. So, why doesn’t the word, “Attitude” ever show up on any of the three tickets totaling $750 worth of fines? I can’t find it once.

Finally, I love being called self indulgent. I love it. Call me that again, whisper it in my ear: self-indulgent. It turns me on, I don’t know why. Sorry, I guess you want your writers to suffer. They shouldn’t indulge themselves, they should just indulge You Reader. Hey, if you’re reading this, I see us as allies, lovers, even, very much like the relationship between reader and story in, This is About You. I can’t begin to tell you how self indulgent that was of me to refer to my own post to explain myself, but, I’m just being consistent.

Thank you for all the kind words you gave me today outside Eglinton Station. It was good to see all of you. I owe you these words. You own these words now. They are in your eyes now, not mine. Play with them.

(That’s only as dirty as you made it.)

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