I read a little Nietzsche. I practise a little pretentiousness. He was funnier than most give him credit for. He wrote:
“Even concubinage has been corrupted- by marriage.”
It’s even funnier in its original Nineteenth Century German.
Nietzsche’s T-shirt slogan reads: God is dead.
It got me thinking; if God is dead, what could have killed God? All I could come up with is: God tried to figure out once and for all, if God is All-Powerful, could God make a rock so big that even God couldn’t lift it? And so, God made a rock so big that even God couldn’t lift it, and it gave God a heart attack.
The following is the 9-1-1 call God made.
911: Nine-one-one, what is the emergency?
God: I’m God! I’m dying!
911: Where are you?
God: I’m omnipotent! I’m omnipresent!
911: Where is that?
God: It’s everywhere! I’m everywhere!
911: Could you narrow that down for me, sir?
God: I’m not sir, I’m God! Help me!
911: Sir, God, you’re going to have to calm down.
God: My entire left side is radiating so much pain! Oh my Me!
911: Calm down. You haven’t told-
God: Help! Please, I haven’t finished primary colors! I’ve got-
911: God? Are you still there? Are you still on the line? God? Hello? God, you there? It’s me, 911.
End of call.