Noah`s Weatherman

       I do not understand why tv weather-people have to apologize for the bad weather: “Looks to be a real cold weekend, sorry about that, folks.”  

      You never see the anchors apologize for bad news: “There was a stabbing in the west end of the city this afternoon, sorry about that, folks. I just really like stabbing people in the west end of the city.”

        If weathermen feel they have to apologize for bad weather, then, it must have been murder on the weatherman during the time of Noah and his ark.

       The following is a series of transcripts of the weatherman at the time of Noah`s Ark.

Day 1: Record one day downpour accumulating in over a month’s worth of rain. Sorry, about that, folks! But, I have good news, too, these clouds should pass over in the middle of the night, early next morning and we should wake to sunshine and a high near twenty. And that’s your weather, brought to you by The Wheel. Have you driven a new wheel lately!

Day 2. The rain is still here, sorry about that, folks! And gusts have picked up to tropical storm-force winds. But, I have good news, you can expect it to pass sometime into the middle of the night, early next morning, waking to clear blue skies and a high near twenty.

Day 5. Still raining. Really, sorry about that, folks. But, it should stop sometime late in the night, early next morning, waking to clear blue skies and a high near twenty. I hope.

Day 15. Ok, folks. I know I have been getting a few of them wrong lately. But, the rain should pass sometime in the- I know I have said it before, but, it has got to stop raining sometime, ok. So, why not late tonight, early next morning.

Day 32. Perhaps you noticed it is raining. I am starting to think God hates me. I cannot understand at this point why you are still watching. But, the rain should stop sometime in the middle of the night, early next morning. Oh, what, do you think after thirty-two days I would change my tune. You wanna hear a song: my wife and family washed out to sea, now I am sleeping in a dinghy! But, still, I believe the rain should pass sometime in the middle of the night, early next morning, pray for it! And that is the weather, brought to you by Jebabanzer and Sons Stilts and Platforms. Jebabanzer and Sons, the only business still standing!

Day 38: Been treading water for four days now. Bout ready to call it quits. It is never going to stop raining. I get it, I understand. I am a terrible terrible weatherman, it is all my fault. There is never going to be waking up to clear blue skies, I will be lucky if I wake up dead. A man can only tread water for so long. I want to thank Wally, my cameraman. How you managed to work the camera while treading water has been an inspiration. You are the best, Wally. And, that is the weather. Brought to you by a very angry God, punishing me for not listening to my mother and becoming a doctor. I am so terribly sorry I destroyed the world. I know… 

                    Inaudible sounds of gurgling. End of transmission.

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