Seeds to the Wind

….

Haiku for Black: My Favorite Shade.

All is the new you.

Comedy to funerals,

you match everything.

….                                                                                                                                                    ….

In Love With Vito Corleone

Dating you is like dating

the mafia; just when I think

I’m out,

you pull me back in.

….                                                                                                                                                    ….

If you were an ice cream flavor, you’d be a much less cold bitch.

….                                                                                                                                                    ….

In India the food is so hot. You ever seen pictures of the monks setting themselves on fire? That’s not a protest, that’s cooling off after lunch.

….                                                                                                                                                    ….

Most North Americans have never read the Bible.

Most North Americans swear on the Bible as acts of faith.

Therefore, most North Americans will place their faith on what they’ve never read.

….                                                                                                                                                    ….

People named Frank will never ask if they can be Frank with you.

I will never ‘peter out’.

Therefore, we are what we’re not.

….                                                                                                                                                    ….

I was a very sensitive waiter. Too sensitive. I’d get to the table, and the patrons would stop talking and I’d say, “You were talking about me again, weren’t you?”

….                                                                                                                                                    ….

I’m into reading the slogans on license plates. My favorite is for New Hampshire: “Live Free or Die.”  Wow. It’s an ultimatum.

Ontario’s is poetic: “Yours to Discover.” Yeah, be the first to map Yonge Street!

Pennsylvania’s is a tease: “You’ve Got a Friend in Pennsylvania.” Sure I do. Let’s see how many friends I got if I were to walk into someone’s house in Philadelphia at 2 in the morning. “Why you pulling a gun on me, I saw your license plate, aren’t we friends?”

Missouri’s is ambiguous: “Show Me.” Show you what exactly, Missouri?

British Columbia’s is to the point: “Beautiful.”

Manitoba’s is honest: “Friendly”. Cause, Manitoba knows it would be sued for false advertising if it labelled itself as, ‘beautiful.’ Friendly, more accurate. It’s like the answer you give when you’re setting up a guy with your ugly sister. “Is she beautiful?” “Well, Manitoba’s very friendly, you’ll like her.”

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